It happened to me: Systemic Racism in the Work Place

Let me share with you a true story of an assault on my dignity in the work-place that just about broke me emotionally and pretty much sent me into a state of depression that I had never experienced.

After having been a case manager for about 10 years, I applied and was hired in Feb 2014 to work in “Central Office” in a certain unit. I can recall the interview questions being weird, uncomfortable and not really having anything to do with the position, but I got the Job, so hey, whatevs, right? I remember being excited on my first day but by days end I knew something was wrong with the environment I had just entered, especially when the team that hired me never came over to welcome me, and never  introduced me to my coworkers. 

What I had initially thought was a position where I could learn and grow, ended up being nothing but data entry. I was paid more, but it was definitely a demotion in responsibility. A veteran  department employee had told me early on that I wasn’t hired because of my abilities, or my intelligence, but because the hiring director of the unit at the time had complaints of racism against her. I heard that complaint over and over, and chalked it up to people being bitter so I didn't want to believe this information.  I didn’t need anyone to just give me anything.

Strangely enough without warning, the hiring director had given her notice and left her position about 3 days after I was brought on board.  I remember listening to her farewell speech at her farewell gathering.  I sat in the back of the room and listened as she doted upon the 3 women who she described as women whom she was honored to mentor, that they reminded her of herself. Those 3 have long since moved onward and upward.  I, in contrast would remain stagnant and purposefully ignored for 4 years. It had become painfully obvious to me that what I was told by that veteran department employee was true.  They wanted to create the ILLUSION of diversity, but never intended to INCLUDE me and the racially biased culture of this unit continued with the remaining managers and Exec staff.

  

I took a chance went to the Assistant Director and told him that I was really bored and if there was anything I could learn or assist with. After the second time I asked, he became visibly upset with me and said, “It is what it is!”.  At the same time I began to notice that people who were mediocre in comparison to me were being groomed and became supervisors.  The grooming of people that matched what they thought could become leaders and none of them looked like me.  I watched them form good relationships with them. They went to their weddings and baby showers, but would not  say good morning to me. 

I was becoming desperate and had to think of creative ways to move on.  The longer I sat in that chair, the less skills I would develop. My fear was that it would become increasingly unlikely that I would  move on, and nobody would see any value in me.  I would have nothing to offer and the thought of that tore me up inside and remembering how I felt still makes me sad.   There were times I would go into the lobby of our building and cry silently and wipe tears from my eyes.  I didn’t care who saw, because nobody gave a damn that I wasn’t at my desk. I was beginning to suffer physically (this was the beginning of my sleep issues) and emotionally to the point where I started not even showing up at least 2 days out of 5, and felt like I was literally dying. 

But because of my resilience, tenacity and my ability to be successful in the face of adversity, I decided to start walking around the office asking people what it was that they did and if I could contribute.  I was literally BEGGING to be apart of something.  My persistence paid off and finally ONE person used her position to do something to help, and with the permission of the COO  she decided to take a chance on me and allowed me to assist with 6 month audit project. Because it was so successful,  not only was I given permission to transfer to the unit, in Oct 2018, but I was promoted in title and pay in a year!  But it took over 4 years for this to come together. 

There are so many of you reading this are in the position to help someone and to make a difference!!  

Think about how many people like myself who are intelligent, self-motivated, creative and natural born leaders were cut off at the knees because of their skin, because it is assumed they are difficult or not smart.  Think about how their growth has been stunted because they didn’t “fit the description” of someone who is deserving in the eyes of people who have an internal bias or who subscribe in the belief that white skin equals better quality? 

This is my story, this was "a knee in my neck"... it happened to me.